You gotta laugh: Jokes! Cartoons! Videos!
LETTY COTTIN POGREBIN // NEWSLETTER #66 // MARCH 2020 BONUS ISSUE
Thankfully, even in the midst of the madness and misery, we can still laugh.
* Art Responds to the Virus
* God Plays it Safe at the Sistine Chapel
* Snoopy in Isolation
"I'm not doing anything today. Yesterday I did nothing too. But I hadn't finished"
* I usually avoid anti-spouse comedy because it caricatures and stereotypes wives & husbands but these three bits made me laugh. (None applies to us, of course.)
1) You have two choices
2) The first Israeli death attributed to the virus has just been announced. The victim was a man who had been in isolation for two weeks with his wife. She strangled him.
3)
* Virus News from Around the World (unknown British correspondent)
The English are feeling the pinch from COVID-19 and have raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon the level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or “A Bit Cross,” which has not been used since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. At worst, the virus may be re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time that warning level was issued was in 1588, when Britain was threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. That's why they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French announced yesterday that they've raised their alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased its alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines. They have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled."
The Russians have said “Its not us”
* A plane with 5 passengers on board -- Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, the Pope and a 10-year-old schoolgirl -- is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes. Trump says "I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and I'm needed to solve the pandemic!" He takes one parachute and jumps. Johnson says‘I’m needed to sort out the COVID-19 mess in Britain’. He takes one and jumps. The Pope says, "The world's Catholics depend on me for comfort in a time of fear." He takes one and jumps. "You can have the last parachute," Merkel says to the 10-year-old. "I've lived my life. Yours is only just starting." The little girl replies: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA just took my school bag."
* Not for Laughs, for Smiles
* Rotterdam Orchestra members play Beethoven's "Ode To Joy" from home.
* Toronto Symphony answers Rotterdam with Appalachian Spring, also from home.
* Wonder Woman sends fans a message via Instagram. Gal Gadot (above) who, without makeup, costume, and script, looks and sounds like a regular person -- produced a smartphone video of her celebrity friends singing John Lennon's "Imagine." Nothing fancy, just heartfelt. I think it's a pitch perfect blend of sorrow and hope. But some online critics said the bold-print names ought to sending. That, too!
*Check out this delightful compendium: Someone has repurposed the first lines of 10 classic novels to accommodate social distancing.
NOW LET'S GET SERIOUS -- The Liar-in-Chief is a menace to our health.
* The President has completely miscalculated and lied about the threat of this virus for the last three months. How is it possible that recent polls show 55% of Americans think he's doing a good job????
* He refuses to send out medical supplies because, he says, the government isn't made up of "shipping clerks." First he lies about the issue, then tell governors to get their own supplies.
*No one is allowed to laugh at Trump in his presence, only behind his back. But Dr Fauci couldn't keep a straight face. He betrayed his disdain when our feckless leader went off script at this moment of crisis to belittle the State Department.
* Trump's lies are no joke; they could actually kill people. These 90 seconds of Rachel Maddow detail his false claims about the government's response. Spoiler: Its response has ranged from nothing, to inadequate, to inept, to criminally negligent.
* "We'll see what happens" is DT's go-to response whenever he doesn't understand what's happening or wants to keep us hanging. Here's a stunning recap of his recent blitherings about the virus.
* One last bulletin, in case you missed it
My friend Leonard says he can't decide where to go for Passover, the living room or the bedroom. Wherever you are, have a safely sequestered week.
A million thanks to our medical workers, first responders and all those who have to go to work because the rest of us depend on what they make, do, sell, or deliver.
Sending love in a time of Corona, Letty