Newsletter#72
LETTY COTTIN POGREBIN // NEWSLETTER #72 // APRIL 23, 2020
I used to disdain cliches about "the human spirit." But based on the inventive, creative, intrepid humor people around the world have been sharing online every day, I've changed my mind. Even though masks, gloves, and ventilators are still in short supply, too many of us are sick and suffering, thousands are dying alone, millions are out of work, savings and retirement accounts have vanished, businesses are shut down, the federal government has failed us, and our president is an excruciating international disgrace, the laughs keep coming. It's my pleasure to pass along this evidence of the indomitable human spirit.
* After eight weeks of family togetherness
* Corona bookshelf. (Read titles left to right)
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COVID-19 UPDATE
* Three cheers for a husband who won't quit.
88-year-old Nick Avtges uses a bucket truck to see his wife in her nursing home.
* Conservatives, never strong on irony, deny women's right to control their own bodies but demand the right to infect the rest of us by refusing to wear masks?
* Have patience for only one article today about the pandemic? Make it George Packer's in The Atlantic.
* "You're not a bad person if you kinda want Trump to get the Coronavirus," says Benjamin Davis in this 2-minute read.
VIDEOS
* Scottish Mum & Dad offer restaurant meal to their wee sons. IRRESISTIBLE! Lucky kids to have such loving, creative parents. Lucky parents to have such polite, appreciative little boys.
* Heroic mayors. Several intrepid Italian mayors try to keep their citizens safe whether they like it or not.
* Pure escapism. Here's to Boomers who brunch.
* Most talented family in Great Britain
* The Kanneh-Masons at home in Nottingham (above). Seven siblings in Britain's "most talented family" play classical music in lockdown ( Sheku Kanneh-Mason played at Meghan and Harry's wedding.)
* Viva L'Italians. Who else would figure out a way to have happy hour from a social distance! Or pouring drinks for neighbors two floors below. ENDEARING!
* Watch the domino theory acted out with toilet paper in this 1-minute video AMAZING!
* Michael Spicer advises the President from "The Room Next Door." HILARIOUS!
* Wimoweh repurposed for our time. Parody of Pete Seeger song has gone as viral as the virus.
* For those obsessed with the Netflix series, "Unorthodox," here's an interview with Deborah Feldman the incisively articulate author of the book on which the drama is based.
ATTENTION RED-STATES.
* Excerpts from "Why some Brits don't like Donald Trump?” by Nate White
Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace...
Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman... His idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.
Trump is a troll. He is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface.
Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront.
Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul.
* Mothers know best
* Five rock-ribbed Republicans who've never voted for a Democrat say they'll be voting for Biden.
* COVID19 Humor
The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers.
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy!
I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?”
When this is over…what meeting do I attend first…Weight Watchers or AA?
*An obituary you may have missed. (Silly but smile-worthy.)The Pillsbury Doughboy, 71, died yesterday in Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima, who delivered the eulogy, lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not regarded as a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and served as a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus one in the oven, and by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 min.
* In case you didn't think hairdressers were "essential workers."
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT -- PHOTOS FROM THE 1919 PANDEMIC
NON-COVID-19 HUMOR
* Winners of the Washington Post contest to create alternative meanings for common words
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle ,olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks up people run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Contest bonus: Take a word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Winning entry: : Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
THE TAKEAWAY (No kidding)
Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay home -- Letty
