If you're lucky enough to still have your sense of humor...
LETTY COTTIN POGREBIN // NEWSLETTER #67 // MARCH 2020 BONUS #2
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* This is not a joke but shoulda been: "Mexico's President, Lopez Obredor, has just encouraged his citizens to hug and eat out in restaurants." Christiane Amanpour, CNN, " March 25, 2020. I'm thinking it must be a new form of population control -- let them kill each other off.
* Advice from a friend: "Heard a psychologist on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus while we're stuck at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start; it will help bring more calm to our lives. I looked through my house forthings I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a fifth of Baileys, a jug of rum, the remainder of my Valium pills, and a box a chocolates. You have no idea how frickin' fabulous I feel right now. Send this to all who need inner peace. And tell them u luv em. 🥃🥃 "
* Wisdom from Pooh
* Close your eyes and listen to this podcast. Spot on imitation of our feckless leader! Highlights (i.e. low points): "Basically I'm better than God." "God vs. Trump: Who brings back more people on Easter Sunday?" "I'm going to fire Fauci on Good Friday."
* Equal time for a Democrat: Perfect imitation of Bernie Sanders in this fake ad urging Iowa voters to feel okay about voting for a Jew. It's a joke, people, don't get miffed.
* You are your safest sex partner, says Betty Dodson, 90 (above at 80), an occasional member of my consciousness-raising group in the 1970s. The reigning guru of female self-love (i.e. masturbation), Dodson is featured in The Times.
MUSIC INSPIRED BY COVID-19
* We're all home-bound. The Coronavirus Song by a couple of endearing seniors .
* Neal Diamond sings PSA message to Sweet Caroline
* Lisa Koch's Pandemic Medley.
GOOD NEWS
* Thanks Ralph! MEMO to all billionaires: Who's next?Ralph Lauren, Fashion Week 2015 in NYC (Mike Coppola/Getty Images for Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week)
(JTA) — Ralph Lauren’s foundation will dedicate $10 million to people affected by the coronavirus. The company he founded will continue to pay its workers through the pandemic and will manufacture gowns and masks for medical workers.
A statement posted Thursday on the company web page said the money would go toward employees affected by the virus and to the broader fashion community, to cancer patients vulnerable to the virus and to the World Health Organization’s COVID-19 Solidarity Response Fund. Elle reported that separately, the company said on Instagram that it would pay employees while the business was closed.
Women’s Wear Daily reported that the company is ready to manufacture 25,000 gowns and 250,000 masks for medical workers. Lauren, born Ralph Lifshitz, is the son of Jewish immigrant parents from Belarus. He stepped down as CEO of the company in 2015, but remains its chief creative officer. -- Ron Kampeas
DEPARTMENT OF PASSOVER PREPARATIONS
A Covid-19 HaggadahSo that you are prepared, we want to let you know about some changes in the Passover 2020 celebration:
1. To maintain social distancing, only two people will be allowed to attend at a time, and we will be metering entry. We will be sending a Google doc so that you can sign up for your preferred portion of the seder in 15 minute shifts: The Four Questions,The Four Kinds of Children, Dayenu, The 10 Plagues, Elijah and the Afikomen. We anticipate a lot of interest in the Plagues section so we will have to make some hard choices. (NOTE: if you have children under 5 who can only attend with their parents, as long as they are entirely wrapped in plastic, you can bring them; no need to sign them up).
2. Some Seder practices and traditions will have to be modified. For example, the family style servings of haroset, matzoh, horseradish, and salt water will have to go. Each guest will receive a pre-packaged box of the essential ceremonial items plus a bowl of matzoh ball soup. You should be able to cry your own salt water tears.
3. The ceremonial hand washing, will be emphasized. Everybody will wash their hands every five minutes.
4. I inquired with the Almighty about the four glasses of wine limit and proposed raising it to eight. She said no problem at all. So there's that.
5. Elijah and Miriam have advised that due to COVID-19 restrictions in their own organization, they will not be able to attend in person and drink from their cups. They are learning how to use Zoom (like the rest of us) and we are hopeful that they will be up to speed by then.
6. The 10 Plagues will be modified to focus on ours. The other plagues don't seem that relevant. The kids are hard at work making custom COVID-19 plague masks. The design will be reminiscent of a dog cone. (And we won't be sticking our pinkies in our wine and placing drops on our plate and then drinking the wine!!)
7. For the Afikomen, we have determined that having children with grubby hands engage in a hunt all over the house for a small piece of matzah split between all the guests will not work. We will conduct the Afikomen ceremony ahead of time wearing our N-95 masks and gloves and apportion it in separately wrapped pieces.
We thank you for your understanding and cooperation. If, despite these changes, we are not able to hold the seder in person, don't worry. We will send everyone a Zoom link, or group text, or group sext depending on how we are feeling. Dayenu!
IF ONLY....
THE U.N. SECRETARY-GENERAL'S APPEAL FOR GLOBAL CEASE-FIRE
March 23, 2020
Our world faces a common enemy: COVID-19.
The virus does not care about nationality or ethnicity, faction or faith. It attacks all, relentlessly.
Meanwhile, armed conflict rages on around the world.
The most vulnerable — women and children, people with disabilities, the marginalized and the displaced — pay the highest price.
They are also at the highest risk of suffering devastating losses from COVID-19.
Let’s not forget that in war-ravaged countries, health systems have collapsed.
Health professionals, already few in number, have often been targeted.
Refugees and others displaced by violent conflict are doubly vulnerable.
The fury of the virus illustrates the folly of war.
That is why today, I am calling for an immediate global ceasefire in all corners of the world.
It is time to put armed conflict on lockdown and focus together on the true fight of our lives.
To warring parties, I say:
Pull back from hostilities.
Put aside mistrust and animosity.
Silence the guns; stop the artillery; end the airstrikes.
This is crucial…
To help create corridors for life-saving aid.
To open precious windows for diplomacy.
To bring hope to places among the most vulnerable to COVID-19.
Let us take inspiration from coalitions and dialogue slowly taking shape among rival parties
in some parts to enable joint approaches to COVID-19. But we need much more.
End the sickness of war and fight the disease that is ravaging our world.
It starts by stopping the fighting everywhere. Now.
That is what our human family needs, now more than ever.
Stay strong, stay safe, stay home. -- Letty